Friday, August 23, 2019 02:01

In the beginning

How I wish I could say there was light; unfortunately, it felt just the opposite.

Around 3 years ago – 2008 – I began to get headaches – big, strong, powerful, ‘Paracetomol ain’t getting rid of me, son’ crippling, day long headaches.

These were not hangovers; hell I like a drink as much as the next man – especially if the next man is Homer – but I don’t like getting drunk, and haven’t been properly pissed since.. erm.. well I can’t remember actually.

So that ruled out one possible cause.

They also weren’t migraine either: there’s a lot of bollocks spoken, mainly, about migraine, and unfortunately, common usage has now decreed that almost every headache is a fucking migraine. IT’S NOT! Migraine is very specific, has very distintive symptoms, and is not just a bloody bad headache.

It also wasn’t down to dehydration either; dehydration can cause some very serious symptoms, a headache being just one. And anyway, I put shitloads of Coke with my scotch ;)

And with the amount of OTC painkillers I was consuming I was probably getting through a couple of litres of water a day on those alone.

I wear glasses and have done since my twenties when I complained to a GP that I was getting occasional headaches. I was studying for a doctorate at the time so did lots of reading and he asked me, simply, how long I had needed glasses. I wasn’t wearing any of course, but he hit the nail perfectly: had my eyes tested and walked away with a pair of trendy John Lennon National Health specs which not only didn’t suit me, but made me look like a pratt into the bargain. At least the headaches stopped though.

So, went and had my eyes tested again and was legally robbed of almost three hundred quid in one of those lying tempters which tell you via your telly that not only can you get one pair of glassses for 30 bob, but they’ll throw in a second pair absolutely buckshee. Fucking lying fuckers! If you want to look like someone in need of a mental health community care order and have one pair of glasses for driving, a pair for shopping, a pair for reading and writing, a pair for walking down the fucking street in, then you need only hand over a few quid. If, on the other hand, you just want to look at least half-way good in a decent pair of glasses these days, be prepared to take a full tube of KY to the opticians with you: you will need it :shock:

Anyway, new bins had no effect on the headaches; there was no pattern to them except that from beginning fairly infrequently, after a few weeks, I was waking up just about every day with one, and it persisted, generally, the whole bloody day.

Occasionally, regular paracetomol worked, but over time, like most drugs, they failed to have any impact. Tried Co-codamol, a mixture of codeine and paracetomol for few months with some relief, some of the time; but again, after a while, your body builds up a tolerance to the codeine and they just fail to have any effect.

Eventually found Paramol, a mix of dihydrocodeine and paracetomol – a very strong but addictive painkiller. It says on the packet not to take for more then three days at a time, but hell, when you’re in constant pain, such advice gets overlooked sometimes. When I did think I ought to stop taking them for a while – their effect had begun to diminish rapidly – I did have some rather unpleasant withdrawal symptoms – bit like flu with bodily fluids and other noxious waste being ejected with alarming force and frequency for about three days. Not nice.

Eventually went to the GP – you know what blokes are like: not sure if it’s stoicism or stupidity, but as a species, we tend to not go to doctors until we’re on our last gasping breath. I got sent off to have a brain scan, which came back negative.

That doesn’t mean they couldn’t find one – although that wouldn’t have surprised me at the time – it just ruled out the obvious things like tumours and such.

And that’s where it is to this day; although I have to say, that the headaches did suddenly begin to subside, seemingly of their own accord, slowly, during the latter part of 2010. Mind you, for the complaints I’m currently suffering, and which this blog will eventually lead (I promise) I am taking a cocktail of very strong opiates and benzodiazipines which would knock out an elephant at 50 yards. So maybe the headaches have just said ‘Fuck it, can’t compete with this shit’ and buggered of to pester some other poor bastard.

The point here though, if it ain’t obvious yet (and I apologise if my soap boxing and rambling have not lead you to the point with enough clarity) is that the entire medical profession failed to find any sort of answer.

In fairness to them though, I did spend a great deal of time and money on Chinese medicine with an exceptionally qualified and gifted Chinese bloke in Herne Bay: Herbal Art, but even he had to confess to being mystified by it all. I did try a few other treatments like cranial osteopathy, homeopathy, even simple massage. But, you’ve guessed it: all to no avail either.

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